My very dear child, What shall I say! A holy and good God has covered us with a dark cloud. O that we may kiss the rod, and lay our hands upon our mouths! The Lord has done it. He has made me adore his goodness, that we had [your father] so long. But my God lives; and he has my heart. O what a legacy my husband, and your father, has left us! We are all given to God; and there I am, and love to be. Your affectionate mother, Sarah Edwards. (Marriage to a Difficult Man, by Elizabeth Dodds, p. 196)

Our dads

happy father's day to the two best dad's in the universe, one of which we miss dearly. no one could love us better than you two.

we're headed to the mountains for a few days. enjoy the summer warmth.

i&l

what would it be like

spending a day in pittsburgh always makes me imagine a totally different life. riding a bike through the city to work, both of us headed to a creative job, meeting up for dinner at five, going for a run through a park or visiting a museum. all things that sound so wonderful, and so enjoyable, and so un-brain injury-like. i saw hundreds of people today doing what seemed like that very thing and they sure appeared happy from the outside. and its hard to be happy for them because disability is my lens. and it leaves me wondering what it would be like...

...what it would be like to have a husband who could be alone in the house and still be safe. for my husband to move from the living room to the kitchen whenever he wanted. to have a husband who can walk to his dresser in the morning. to spend a night cleaning my house without feeling guilty because my husband can't entertain himself. to simply live one day without this disability.

but that's not what we have now. and we might not ever have it. and it isn't how god has chosen to show his love for ian or myself. he has chosen to show his love and mercy toward us in a life that often feels unbearable but always ends in grace. he has chosen us for even this specific day, brain injury and all, fears and uncertainties and all. and those are the moments that we have to live in. the daily grinding through a life that doesn't "feel" good or easy all the time. i think i'm starting to learn that in those moments is really where i have to be obedient and where i am going to most visibly see that this truly is from a loving father.

"The Lord Jesus is a deep sea of joy: my soul shall dive therein, shall be swallowed up in the delights of His society." -spurgeon

These sins of ours, before and after conversion, would consign us to the place of inextinguishable fire if it were not for gods sovereign mercy, which snatched us like sticks from the fire. My soul, bow down under a sense of your natural sinfulness and worship your God.
- spurgeon

As a side note, I realized tonight that Ian's wedding band is missing, and it was steves. I'm finding peace in gods sovereignty over all things but something like this is so sad to me because ian ans i dont have anything else of Steve's left as precious as his wedding band. Please pray that we would find it.

Thank-you always

I&L

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life

With five nieces and nephews under the age of five, we've had lots of love so far this summer. We've been laying under lot of trees, swimming and just trying to be happy.

Cheers for a long happy summer.

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