"There are seas of suffering that the sufferer must navigate alone. You need not even appeal to friends for consolation. What do they know about your inner sorrow? No other sail is in sight. Scan the horizon and nothing is seen but wave after wave. Now is your hour for faith in the great Lord, who holds even lonely seas in the hollow of His hand. He knows your poor body, and he permits it to be frail. He permits your heart to tremble because He will glorify Himself in His tenderness to your weakness. He will make you strong. "

-Spurgeon

there is much comfort in hearing a saint who has gone on before us speak of the loneliness of suffering. and to speak of it as something that is real- for what do even our closest friends and spouses know of our inner sorrow? no one knows but the lord. and the emptiness of suffering that makes you feel alone in a room of 1,000 will continue until we meet the lord. it doesn't mean there aren't times of fellowship that help to lift the darkness for awhile, but when i lie down at night, it is only my heart that is with me, not my friend's and not my husband's.

for us who face what seems to be constant waves, the sweet reminder to "fear not for i am with you; be not dismayed, for i am your god. i will strengthen you, yes, i will help you, i will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

thank you, always

i&l

Help Fight Brain Cancer

Thank you so much for your prayers, for the ways you all have blessed Ian & Larissa and the rest of my family.

As most of you know, I have been writing music for a few years now. From now until the end of 2011, for anyone who downloads any of my music or buys a T-shirt from my website, I will donate all* of the money I receive from every purchase to National Brain Tumor Society and Accelerate Brain Cancer Cure in my dad's memory. Here are the different ways people can give:

1) Download music

2) Buy a T-shirt

3) Give directly to N.B.T.S.

4) Give directly to A.B.C.C.

Thank you so much.

Caleb

*Bandcamp.com, Spreadshirt.com and Tunecore.com (iTunes/Amazon) take a small fee out of every purchase

update on therapy

i'm not sure that we have given an update really on therapy, since we were switching to new therapists. we did go to new therapists for a few weeks but are taking a break until after christmas. the therapists will evaluate ian again in january in the hopes of identifying new goals for him.

having a spouse with a disability offers constant temptation to feel guilty for all that i'm not doing for ian, either because of laziness or because i simply can't fit it into a day. please pray for ian and i that we would receive wisdom in how much we should be pursuing and also that ian would continue to make great progress.

thank you for your constant prayers

i&l

Therefore it is that god's people pass through great tribulation; therefore is is they are often called upon to suffer the sting of affliction and anxiety, or weep over the grave of those whom they have loved as their own soul. it is their Father's hand that chastens them; it is thus He weans their affection from things below and fixes them on himself; it is thus He trains them for eternity, and cuts the threads one by one that bind their wavering hearts to earth. No doubt such chastening is grievous for the time, but still it brings many a hidden grace to light, and cuts down many a secret seed of evil; and we shall see those who have suffered most shining among the brightest stars in the assembly of heaven. the purest gold is that which has been longest in the refiner's furnace. the brightest diamond is often that which has required the most grinding and polishing. but our light affliction endureth but for a moment, and it worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. the saints are men who have come out of great tribulation- they are never left to perish in it. the last night of weeping will soon be spent, the last wave of trouble will have rolled over us, and then we shall have a peace that passeth all understanding; we shall be at home for ever with the lord.

j.c. ryle

two.years

two years ago today, a good man met god. a good man who before and after his cancer diagnosis, had lived to prepare his family and his church for heaven. he left us well, and provided for, and loved. everyone who knew him has felt different losses of him simply not being here with us anymore, but he left us with so very much. mary still carries his counsel in her heart to share with us, ian speaks the same bold truths to me that steve would, ben has his simple faith and dependence in god, caleb looks exactly like him, devon knows god well as he did and lydia treasures her memories of dates and professor kooky stories at bedtime.

wee miss him and can't wait to see him again.

i&l